I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
