the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just google imaged poop.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you traded sex for a burrito?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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