I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
