Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
