I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
