i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
