So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
