nut hugger
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
