I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
