drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
