The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i drank out of a bidet.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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