so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
