Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
