worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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