ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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