Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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