i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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