Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
