Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
