She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
