the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
