He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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