I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
