Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
