o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
