he wants to bone in the snuggie
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
