I saw his package. It spoke to me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
