Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
