Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
