my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
false alarm. still invincible.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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