one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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