He disabled his match.com account in front of me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
