In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
