glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
