I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
