There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
