Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
