Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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