I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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