Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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