apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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