Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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