I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
