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I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
