call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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