1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
