He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
