Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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