I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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