my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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