Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
