I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
