just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
