Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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