And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
try to milk me bitch
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
