ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
