if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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