You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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