You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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