I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
