She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
