Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
