i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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