I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
