i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
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Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
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I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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