Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
