I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
