I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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