just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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