Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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