tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
