they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
