I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My bed smells like the plague
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
