the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
