I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
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I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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