Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
