She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
